What's the deal...

I don't like to get into preaching on pain - although I will. I don't like to examine my own brokeness - although it is an important point of growth. I don't know why but there seems to be plenty of both around.

The new year has brought in a boatload of brokeness and pain for the congregation I pastor. The economic downturn has resulted in lost jobs and found worries. There has been death and sickness. A wonderful couple waiting to adopt a child have watched technicality after technicality after ineptness after incompetence delay the culmination of their journey. I have seen the pain of relationships breaking down and the impact it has on the adults and kids and wider network the couple were a part of.

I spent January preaching about the commitment God is looking for from us - I touched on the reality of struggling though our faith. I thought that I was done, I have been planning to start a study of James. But as I sit here on Thursday night I have the feeling that I am not done with this motif.

I spent the week at our pastors' retreat. The speaker talked about the role of our pain in our ministry. He spoke of his childhood in a poor part of Glasgow and a horrific car accident while a missionary in Kenya that could have (should have) killed him. He talked of his darkest moments when he knew he would never minister again - but God has used those times of pain to allow him his greatest ministry - an acclaimed book, work with traumatized Canadian soldiers returning from Afghanistan, Bosnia and other theatres, etc.

I don't talk too much about growing up on a reserve (maybe others would disagree) but after Paul - the speaker- talked about the violence and addictions of the Glaswegian Ghetto I didn't sleep much. I had memories of kids dragging a bag of puppies behind a bike and then setting it on fire, shingle fights (the poorman's ninja throwing star), and destructive drinking that I didn't understand until I was a lot older.

I spend a lot of my time wondering how - even if - God can use me. I left this week thinking that God uses broken people in ways that he can never use people that 'have it all together.' As far as a time to look inward the retreat was good - although I feel less refreshed than I had hoped because I spent a lot of time engaged in introspective activities.

ehkosit,

migwec